What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
