worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
