I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
