I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
