I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
