I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
