We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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