He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
