boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
