I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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