I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
