C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
