I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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