I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I want a musical about memes.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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