Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
