I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
So much Jack, so little girl.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
