i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
