Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
