You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
