Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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