Jerry, you need to find god
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
