I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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