**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
