he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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