New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
