Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
