first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
