Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize