I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
