Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Randomize
