i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
