google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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