No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
