i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
