you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
