next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize