u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
