Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
