its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
