just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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