Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
