Dude my mom stole all your condoms
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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