Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
