I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize