google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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