Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
