Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize