Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
