I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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