I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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