He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
