my vag is so smooth its legendary
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
