To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
This is my gift to your gina
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
