K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
