We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
