i barfeds in our rink
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
