not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
