Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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