I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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