The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
