i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
