You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
